Life? Life.

Aloha peeepaaaa! How's life? I was sooo busy since I started my college but hey heyyy I am on Raya break now! Gotta prepare for exam then yayyy I am done with my first semester! 

Hmm... thinking of what to blog for this post. Ahh, I have to say there were a lot of bad thing happened recently. Plane tragedies, Uncle Danny (my dad's friend) and two teachers just passed away. :'( R.I.P and strong, people. My thoughts and prayers are with you. *sigh* 

I attended Uncle Danny's funeral. I really couldn't accept the fact that he just gone like that.. Few weeks before, he just held an open house party and few weeks later......  ;( Sitting there and I heard an uncle was telling some stories between him and Uncle Danny. Telling.. telling and his eyes became red, tears rolled down his cheeks. Such heartbreaking to see. Imagine if one day I lost a friend....... uhhhhh *touch wood* I can still remember his face, when we bumped into him etc although I am not close to him personally. Uncle Danny, you will be missed. 

Another sad news from my friend few days ago, Encik Tan's wife passed away. She doesn't know me but I can still remember her face. I still remember she always came to our school and helped out Buddhist Club for their food stall. I still remember she came during BACOP, brought along her camera and a bright smile on her face. I can never forget her smile because somehow it tells me that she is a very kind teacher (and yea, she really is). May you rest in peace, teacher. It must be tough for Encik Tan. Take care teacher, my deepest condolences to your loss...

Just got another news when I was scrolling my Facebook feeds this morning, a BM teacher from my high school had just passed away. I was really shocked to know this. She never taught me before, but still the same, I can still remember her face, her smile.. She is always smilling in my memory...Felt so sad reading my high schoolmates' statuses. Puan Rossidah, may you rest in peace.

What a 2014.. Life is so unpredictable. We don't know what's going to happen next. One second you are fine, and the next second you might just leave the world like that. Life is so short and it is so fragile. What we can do is live life to the fullest, count your blessings. Don't take things for granted, appreciate and cherish every single one person around us. Be grateful and positive. Take care, guys. Guess I'll just stop here.

25.7.2014 ; Friday

Stay strong, gong. I don't want to lose you...

Hello, May

不知不觉又快要 mid term 了。想想，还有3 个考试，我就毕业了。快吧？中5真的好忙，好多事情要兼顾。我都应付不来。最近很奇怪，我有时会突然间很紧张，然后心跳加速，很难平复。一遇到什么不顺心的事，我的眼泪也很有效率地涌上来。然后我得用尽全力，把它们推回进去。我发誓忍着不哭是最难做的事情。唉。做决定也很难。我讨厌自己不像他人一样，那么果断。这个 2013 真是的！为什么那么喜欢撞期？去到一个就去不了另一个，唉，你不知道我很贪心的咩？我很想做到百者兼顾！回到学业，你知道吗，我的 first term 历史科目竟然是全班最差！我看了有点傻了，然后在傻笑。我觉得很对不起老师，老师太好了，唉。好多事情我答应了人家，我觉得我兑现不了。啊，好怕。我最近好酸，好容易吃醋。这种滋味不好受，我恨死了。我真的真的真的好害怕失去。不要跟我玩，这个游戏我玩不起啊。我很没用，对吧？还有一样，不要对我无缘无故发小姐脾气！要玩情绪，请你把自己锁在房间玩。哦，明天5月5，是马来西亚的大选！我生平第一次感到紧张咧，也很好奇结果是如何，哈哈。不comment啦，我只希望这次大选是干净的，clean and fair ！还有希望KL 星期一放假！please 〜 为什么我用华文？除了渲泄外，因为我要去比赛啦！得练练文笔，呵呵。五月，加油吧 ！希望一切安好 〜

* 别离开，你还得等我..... ;(

Blahh

我又来吐苦水了。我现在头很痛。是真的痛。好像不懂被谁捏着我的脑，很绷。再来我今天终于明白意外怎么在一秒以内发生。一切来得太快，我根本来不及反应。所以boom就这样伤了咯。不过我没有哭，反而在笑？还蛮痛得咧那一瞬间。真的是一瞬间咯！一眨眼我就飞出去了！是飞还是滚我都忘了。好啦，安慰自己，一点点痛我承受得了！过了就没事了。明天又会是漫长的一天。继续战斗吧！
#29.1.2013 ; 22:38

Release #2

I feel like going somewhere now. I want to go Taiwan. I miss the trip I miss the food I miss the weather I miss the train I miss the shop I miss the airport I miss hello kitty I miss the macaroons I miss the under street I miss the hotel lol. Dad please bring us along when you work kay? HAHA.
Tuitions on. I hate relying on people. I hate making troubles for others. But i have no choice. I'm sick of lying. I ain't good in lying because I can't tolerate towards myself. Sometimes I think I am stupid. It's like letting the roller coaster to bring you up and down and right and left and rotate. But what? It's your choice. You choose to ride on it. So yea letting it to control you. Had some nightmares recently. My god I feel so relieve when I open my eyes and say it's okay, just a dream. Please please please don't let those bad dreams come true kay? Insomnia these few days. Terrible. I hate it. When I decided to sleep early, I keep turning here and there on the bed. Sometimes I even open my eyes and staring god knows what. Even worse is I don't realize I am opening my eyes until suddenly HUH omg what's wrong?! Lol. Sometimes when the scenes come, I am suffering. Can't breathe smoothly and my heartbeat goes wrong. Like you said, yea I am torturing myself. But please I can't control what am I thinking. There is no turning back now. I am trying hard to get over it so please get along and cooperate. Angry? It's your pleasure if I angry at you. Because to those things I don't care, I will just act like they are all transparent. Btw I hate to be replaced. Sarcastic. Please continue to look down at me so I am motivated to prove you wrong. Forgetful. I dunno why but I am super forgetful recently. I can't remember things that should be remembered. But I did remember things that ppl can't remember. Sorry for being weird. In case you dunno, I know it. Maybe just a part not full version. But when it comes the time to let me know, just tell the truth. Don't make me feel that you are stupid because I already knew the truth and you're still lying. No point right? Tolerate. It's okay to treat me like that. I can't control your emotional. What can I do is tolerate and tolerate. When my heart is burning, I am still telling myself to 忍. Kwaenchanayo, kwaenchanayo.. I don't want to have a fight. Lack of love. Maybe you dislike my attitude maybe because I am not enough obedient maybe maybe.. Too much maybe just to make myself feel comfortable and move on. It's okay but just I feel it's quite unfair. Am I different ? Am I annoying ? Am I that naughty ? I admit I am wrong sometimes but somehow your attitude is different. Alright, shouldn't expect too much. Life goes on. I still can live without your love. I am turning 16 soon, very soon. I still remember last time when I see ppl turning 16, they will always mention it as sweet 16. Lol now I wonder what's the sweet mean. Still remember how I spent my 15th birthday last year. Being lifeless and eat my cake myself ( cuz nobody like it). Sad huh ? I miss my 8th birthday. I miss my 12th birthday. Eh? 4x2 = 8 ; 4x3 = 12 !! Then 4x4 = 16 ! So that's mean 16th this year will be memorable too ? Haha sorry my brain was born to think these kind of wanlingstuff. Btw it will be great if I receive your call on that day. Or maybe text? At least I know you still remember even though you are super busy. Although I feel like we are far apart, the gap.
* This post is referring to not only one people. You don't have to put yourself in. You don't have to figure it out. Because wanlinglanguage ain't easy. *
Sometimes I think of how would it be if I never exist in this world. Am I the one extra? Are you all living happy without me? Are you walking your path well if I never step into your life? But too bad, I do exist.
Thank you, I am still alive today.
#23.11.2012 ; 12:27pm

心情交杂的一夜 • 杂陈篇

其实我很佩服自己，其实我很懂事，其实我会想，只是有时候我很粗心，只是有时候我很善忘，只是有时候我不知足，只是我很懒。自己是自己，生命是自己的。没有一个人可以永远陪你，甚至爱你。没有一个人比你还了解自己。没有人懂我？没关系，我还有我。我不喜欢做人家要我做的事情。有时候你要我做，我偏偏不做，那是种压力。我喜欢读书，但我不喜欢读课本，考试的书。你不叫我我读的书，我反而更喜欢读。其实快乐很简单，荡荡秋千，哼着歌，我也很快乐。这个世界很恐怖，人类很恐怖。但我还抱着一丝希望，我相信人之初，性本善。每个人一生下来都不是拥有一颗善良的心吗？还是那句，最大的愿望，就是世界和平，人人都有着善良的心，不做伤害他人的事。自己付出了多少，自己知道。该来的都会来，来了就接受。既来之，则安之。失败了一次，不也是一种激励吗？这世上每件事都不会永远顺着你意。但是我觉得我能改变，我还有一年。如果自己放多点心思，得到的会更多。其实我懂得体谅。还是那句，其实我很佩服自己，其实我很懂事，可是还可以再懂事点。其实哥哥很好。都把那天装作没一回事，嘴硬心软。当一个人对我好时，我都很容易感动。因为没有人是有义务对你好。有时候试着把自己放在别人的角度想，体会别人当时的心情。妒忌。哪个小孩不想有人疼？哪个你不想把属于或应该属于自己的东西占为己有？又有谁喜欢被人替代，取代的感觉？其实有些事情我什么都懂，只是没说出来。双面人。其实你都以为我看不出吗？我近视是很深，不过有些东西，你翘起尾巴，我就知道了。我不擅长也不想管理人事。对于虚伪的人，笑笑就好了。其实我很佩服我爸爸。有时候言语间，我都领悟了一些道理。为什么这个世界上会有人？人是什么？我永远都给不到自己一个答案。如果我是一只蚂蚁？我的生活会怎样呢？被人类轻轻一按就死，会不甘心吗？还是命中注定？缘分，很玄。到这边吧，我的语言，你应该听不懂。
#18/10/2012 ; 22:27