Release #2

I feel like going somewhere now. I want to go Taiwan. I miss the trip I miss the food I miss the weather I miss the train I miss the shop I miss the airport I miss hello kitty I miss the macaroons I miss the under street I miss the hotel lol. Dad please bring us along when you work kay? HAHA.
Tuitions on. I hate relying on people. I hate making troubles for others. But i have no choice. I'm sick of lying. I ain't good in lying because I can't tolerate towards myself. Sometimes I think I am stupid. It's like letting the roller coaster to bring you up and down and right and left and rotate. But what? It's your choice. You choose to ride on it. So yea letting it to control you. Had some nightmares recently. My god I feel so relieve when I open my eyes and say it's okay, just a dream. Please please please don't let those bad dreams come true kay? Insomnia these few days. Terrible. I hate it. When I decided to sleep early, I keep turning here and there on the bed. Sometimes I even open my eyes and staring god knows what. Even worse is I don't realize I am opening my eyes until suddenly HUH omg what's wrong?! Lol. Sometimes when the scenes come, I am suffering. Can't breathe smoothly and my heartbeat goes wrong. Like you said, yea I am torturing myself. But please I can't control what am I thinking. There is no turning back now. I am trying hard to get over it so please get along and cooperate. Angry? It's your pleasure if I angry at you. Because to those things I don't care, I will just act like they are all transparent. Btw I hate to be replaced. Sarcastic. Please continue to look down at me so I am motivated to prove you wrong. Forgetful. I dunno why but I am super forgetful recently. I can't remember things that should be remembered. But I did remember things that ppl can't remember. Sorry for being weird. In case you dunno, I know it. Maybe just a part not full version. But when it comes the time to let me know, just tell the truth. Don't make me feel that you are stupid because I already knew the truth and you're still lying. No point right? Tolerate. It's okay to treat me like that. I can't control your emotional. What can I do is tolerate and tolerate. When my heart is burning, I am still telling myself to 忍. Kwaenchanayo, kwaenchanayo.. I don't want to have a fight. Lack of love. Maybe you dislike my attitude maybe because I am not enough obedient maybe maybe.. Too much maybe just to make myself feel comfortable and move on. It's okay but just I feel it's quite unfair. Am I different ? Am I annoying ? Am I that naughty ? I admit I am wrong sometimes but somehow your attitude is different. Alright, shouldn't expect too much. Life goes on. I still can live without your love. I am turning 16 soon, very soon. I still remember last time when I see ppl turning 16, they will always mention it as sweet 16. Lol now I wonder what's the sweet mean. Still remember how I spent my 15th birthday last year. Being lifeless and eat my cake myself ( cuz nobody like it). Sad huh ? I miss my 8th birthday. I miss my 12th birthday. Eh? 4x2 = 8 ; 4x3 = 12 !! Then 4x4 = 16 ! So that's mean 16th this year will be memorable too ? Haha sorry my brain was born to think these kind of wanlingstuff. Btw it will be great if I receive your call on that day. Or maybe text? At least I know you still remember even though you are super busy. Although I feel like we are far apart, the gap.
* This post is referring to not only one people. You don't have to put yourself in. You don't have to figure it out. Because wanlinglanguage ain't easy. *
Sometimes I think of how would it be if I never exist in this world. Am I the one extra? Are you all living happy without me? Are you walking your path well if I never step into your life? But too bad, I do exist.
Thank you, I am still alive today.
#23.11.2012 ; 12:27pm